• Gwendolyn Ann Smith – Founder of Transgender Day of Visibility

On Friday 20^th of November it is Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR). On this day we take time to remember the Trans people around the world who have lost their lives to transphobia. We take time to show solidarity to all our trans siblings around the world and remind each other that while we may be far apart we are in the struggle for our freedom and rights together. We remember all the trans people who have worked tirelessly in the past to fight for our rights. We extend our deepest condolences to the friends and families of all the Trans and Non-Binary people who we have lost this year.

During this time of remembrance, it is very important that we take stock of who are the most marginalised and targeted members of our community. Consistently we see that Trans Women of Colour and Trans Sex Workers are the most likely to fall victim to transphobic hate crime and violence. We can not ignore intersectional identities and the compounded violence which they face so please pay extra care to any Trans Women of Colour or Trans Sex Workers in your life, now and generally.

This is not just a fight that happens far away, the current rise of anti-trans rhetoric is affecting trans people across Ireland, the UK, Europe, and the world. We have to come together against this rise in transphobic hate speech and show solidarity with one another across the entire LGBTQIA+ community. We are stronger together.

It is very important that we be aware of how difficult a week this could be for our trans and Non-binary friends. Please take some time to check up on your Trans and Non-Binary friends. Ask them how they are feeling, ask them if they need to talk, or just let them know you are available if they should need your support. Educate yourself around some of the barriers and injustices Trans and Non-binary people face in their daily lives. Call out transphobia wherever you see it, don’t leave the fight to trans people alone. Correct pronouns, defend your trans friends, demand that they be seen as equals in society, celebrate them.

Trans Rights are Human Rights.

Written by Sky Byrne

The post Transgender Day of Remembrance 2020 appeared first on The Rainbow Project.

Coming out is never easy, even when it seems like it is. Today marks twelve years since I came out as gay to my family – it feels like a hundred years ago and just yesterday at the same time. The apprehension, the dread, the dramatic realisation that the wee thing you were always ashamed of and scared to talk to anyone about made sense when you finally kissed another guy. It’s both a recipe for success and has all the ingredients of a disaster waiting to happen.

I grew up in a predominantly religious household, with parents that went to church, adhered to the Bible as much as they could and put their faith in the knowledge that their sons would grow up to be men, act like men, marry women and have children of their own. I wasn’t one to follow the crowd, and I don’t know why my mum expected any different. Did she honestly think that the combination of me doing an Art GCSE, listening to Backstreet Boys, disliking football and never having a girlfriend all added up to straight? I kid, none of those things make you gay but those are the stereotypes we have to put with, aren’t they? Ponce, fruit, gayboy, faggot, queer, bender etc. The things that are shouted at you in the playground and you wonder why they cut so deep. You begin to wonder if they all know something about you that you wish you didn’t.

I remember that first kiss with another boy, the damning realisation that it wasn’t gross and it wasn’t disgusting and that it made sense. It was like watching a huge puzzle piece falling into place to complete the picture. Lying awake in bed and staring at the ceiling, hoping that if you pray hard enough maybe that feeling will go away. The insatiable desire to just be normal like everyone else. You can’t tell your mother or father because, of course, they won’t love you anymore and you’ll have no home to go back to. The lies about where I’m going, who I’m with and what I’m doing begin to pile up like bags of garbage – rotting in the corner and getting harder to ignore and avoid. Nights in Union Street, stolen moments with my first boyfriend in the cinema or the Pipeworks sauna become little tiny pinholes of light in an otherwise dark space inside my own head.

Eventually I summoned the courage to come out – in the most dramatic and on brand way possible – by writing a letter, leaving it on my parents’ bed, packing a bag and getting on a bus into the city centre with no idea of what would happen next. It didn’t take long for them to find the letter and then the phone call asking me to come home right away. That was possibly the longest bus ride I’ve ever been on, not knowing what was waiting for me. Without going too much into the pain of it all over again, I can only tell you that it wasn’t good. Tears, screaming, pointed fingers, awkward questions, judgement, rejection and condemnation from the people I loved more than anything in the world. Suggestions that I go to the doctor and get fixed, that it’s just a phase, that I’ve been hanging around with the wrong people and that I should speak to a psychiatrist etc.

I was in a very dark place for a long time. My own home became a battleground with my family, unable to talk to them about what I was going through because this was something I had ‘chosen’ and I had brought it on myself. The accusations and assumptions of why I had decided to become gay, why I had decided to go against God etc. Those words and actions hurt, and still hurt me. I have long since forgiven and reconciled with my parents about who I am and those days but for a while I was in a hole and couldn’t get out. I felt utterly alone and trapped in a place that didn’t love me or accept me for who I was and I decided, rather stupidly, to try and get out the only way I knew how. In November of 2008 I attempted to take my own life, and obviously failed, but it was clear to my family and I that whilst they couldn’t offer me the validation and support that I needed, maybe someone out there could.

It wasn’t long after that I was given a leaflet from my GP about The Rainbow Project and their counselling services. LGB&T people counselling LGB&T people in a space that was welcoming, validating and free of judgement. My counsellor was called Terry and that man helped me turn my life around and start to love myself. A huge part of the stigma about coming out is the internalised homophobia we have as queer people – we are raised to view queer people as other, as something to be gawked at and rejected, and that sits inside of us as a universally held truth so when you realise that you might belong to that part of society a little part of you turns that shame and rejection in against yourself. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to shake but that’s where it starts – with learning to love yourself and accepting who you are. 

If it hadn’t been for the support and advice and mentorship I received from the wonderful staff and volunteers at The Rainbow Project I don’t even know if I would be here today. They absolutely saved my life, so it was a prophetic closing of a circle when I began working for them in 2016 and being able to give something back to the community that accepted me and saved me. I was incredibly fortunate to live so close to Belfast city centre, where help was only a short bus journey away. But there are hundreds, maybe thousands of kids who are in the same situation I was, unable to get support from their parents, their schools, their friends or their churches or GAA clubs. We have a responsibility now as queer people who have come out the other side of the tunnel to ensure that we advocate for greater services in rural areas, anti-bullying policies in every single school, making communities aware of their LGB&T neighbours and families so that one day we don’t have to come out at all.

I got to marry the love of my life last year, with my mum and family in attendance. William is welcomed as part of the family and he is a massive source of strength and support for me. My family have since apologised to me for what happened, and I have come to terms with the fact that they were simply coming to terms with the revelation that I was gay. I wasn’t loved any less, and things are exactly how they should be. I was lucky, and we need to be there for those that aren’t.

The post Mental Health Week: Coming Out is Good for Your Health appeared first on The Rainbow Project.

Heya, it’s Eimear here. I work with the adult groups in the Derry office. It’s Lesbian Visibility Week, and I wanted to take some time out to talk a bit about being a gay woman living in the North West as well as shout out some of my lesbian sheroes.

My earliest memory of being gay was on a football trip when I was around 6/7 years old. I told one of the older girls on the team that I thought another girl was pretty, which resulted in me being picked on by the older girls throughout the whole day. It meant nothing to me then, as I thought they were being a friend and joking with me but now looking back I can see that they were mocking me. In a funny turn of events, the girl I found attractive is now out and engaged to her partner – so my gaydar was pretty on point even if I was a wain.

I was never a feminine girl, always running with the boys and playing sports. I love the word tomboy. I had parents who were happy to let me wear what I wanted, and supported me in my sporting endeavours. I feel like I was giving them clues that I was gay back then, especially when I walked around in nothing but tracksuit bottoms and a white vest rapping 50 Cent songs.

I went to an all-girl Catholic secondary school, where a skirt was compulsory. Apart from the discomfort of having to wear this myself, my concern shifted to whether or not the other girls in my classes would be comfortable around me. While I wasn’t ‘out’, I didn’t hide my sexual orientation and I think everyone had a fair idea that I was gay. I spent most of my time at school risk assessing every situation to try and prevent anybody picking on me or making anybody dislike me. The ironic thing is that while I wasn’t bullied at school by other people, I sort of bullied myself in a way I would have expected from others. I put myself under pressure, took myself out of situations and even got changed in the toilets so people didn’t think I was looking at them in the changing rooms. Where did I learn that that was okay? I always felt like a bit of a weirdo.

When I was a teenager Tegan and Sara were my everything. I idolised them and their music, and had a mullet haircut like them for too many years. I also binge watched The L Word, frantically trying to learn the ways of Lesbian life and be prepared for the ‘real world’ when I left school. I pictured myself as some weird hybrid of Shane McCutcheon and Sara Quin – please tell me I’m not alone in this? As funny as that is, I didn’t realise how important it is to have positive role models. Aged 15 and with nobody local to look up to or turn to, I did what all queer teens did. I went to the local gay club – which was not the smartest idea ever, but I did meet some of my closest friends there. Shout out to Aine and Kerry.

I left school in 2012 and studied Music Production at college, working as a Theatre technician in The Playhouse. Through this, I got involved in Foyle Pride Festival in 2014. The organising committee reached out to me and asked for some advice regarding music for the festival, and after some back and forward I was putting together the music for the main stage. I was pretty chuffed with myself, having really looked up to this festival and the people who organised it for years. I was 18 and now considered these people friends.

The following year I joined the organising committee as co-chair and got to work alongside iconic women such as Sha Gillespie and Hillary McCollum. These are powerhouse women, who were so formative in me becoming comfortable in my lesbian identity. I struggled for a long time to identify as Lesbian or Gay, they never felt like they fit. But having strong role models, who are unapologetically queer, changed that for me. Hilary does some amazing historical work looking at Gay Women’s role in the Women’s Rights movement, which we highlighted during the huge centenary march ‘Processions’ in 2018. Sha is a lifelong activist and campaigner who basically taught me everything I know about activism and the Queer movement in Ireland. She’s also a dear friend, who I’d be lost without.

In 2016 we hosted JD Samson as our guest for the festival, and she played a blinding DJ set in The Glassworks. The teenager inside me nearly died when she played Deceptacon (Le Tigre) and joined us on the dance floor. We ate a Chinese together in the basement and had an amazing chat about what it means to be a ‘dyke’ in USA and Ireland. It’s one of the highlights of my life. It’s probably one of the low points of hers.

I still get so excited at seeing queer women on TV, in music, in the town. I love sharing the mutual ‘look’ or ‘nod of approval’ we give to each other out in the wild, showing each other solidarity. While it may not seem it, the dyke community in Derry is massive. The queer community in Derry is fragmented and a bit scattered, but it’s always the queer women who bring us all together.

Queer women are super heroes. We can bend gender roles and stereotypes, smash barriers and support each other. We’re the cool aunties and the loving mothers. We’re the brides in suits, and daddies in dresses.

Watching the queer women who I love, campaign tirelessly during the recent Marriage Equality and Abortion rights campaigns over the last few years has showed to me that queer women really do have it all within them. They highlighted that both of these issues are intersectional feminist and must be tackled by a united approach. 2 women in white dresses with their fists in the air – you can’t tell me that’s not a powerful image.

All these years later, I’m able to reflect and I’ve realised that I’m not a weirdo because I’m gay. I feel like a weirdo because I’m a weirdo. My friends are weirdo’s and we listen to weird music. We wear weird clothes and do weird things. I have a loving partner who’s a big weirdo, and we live in a weird wonky house. We’re all a bit unconventional but it’s not because we’re lesbians. If I could pass on any advice to younger people, it’s that. And that your weird bits are your best bits. Living outside the heteronormative structure allows us to embrace that.

We love labels in these parts. So, whether you’re a femme, butch, lipstick; or maybe you just like the word gay. Love your lesbian self this week. Love your lesbian friends, family members and sisters across the world. And if you haven’t told anyone yet, we’re here for you when you do. And a word of advice – skip season 6 of The L Word. It won’t do you any good.

The post Lesbian Visibility Week: I need a Shero!! appeared first on The Rainbow Project.

Annie

Hi my name is Annie, I’m a 32 year old, finally out and proud lesbian, in the Causeway Coast and Glens area. It’s Lesbian Visibility Week and I would like to share a bit about me and my experience finding my way in the world. I hope that by being vulnerable and sharing my story it might encourage others to open up, seek support, seek a community, become aware of yourself and your needs and just be you!

So…I didn’t come out until I was the ripe age of 30! Unusually, not because I was hiding it, but because I wasn’t aware. It was just so ingrained in me through society, family and peers that as a woman I was destined to get married to a man and have children. People around me assumed I was hetero asking questions like ‘do you have a boyfriend’ or statements like ‘he’s fit isn’t he’ and because I didn’t have any strong lesbian role models in my life providing an alternative narrative, so did I. Upon reflection though, I remember around puberty age I wasn’t as interested in ‘boys’ as my peers but I went along with it and tried my best to fit in but inwardly found it rather awkward. Woman have always caught my eye more than men as I walked down the street but before I came out I didn’t associate this with a romantic connection as I was always taught that sex was between a man and a woman. I went to an all girls school and when I attended there was no LGBT society, or openly lesbian teacher, we never celebrated pride and certainly never got taught about it in sex ed! Anyway, it wasn’t until a friend suggested I watch Sense 8 on Netflix, written by The Wachowskis (which if you haven’t watched it is very LGBT inclusive) that it clicked – ‘You don’t have to be with a man’! So I started exploring my thoughts and feelings, reflecting on my past and throwing myself out of my comfort zone in dating and I’ve found I am so much happier and authentic in myself as a lesbian.

So the moral of my story is that lesbian visibility matters and we need to get out there and spread the word! Thankfully LGBT visibility in films and series is growing these days but only someone interested in the genre will watch. I believe change starts with us and we need be comfortable enough to push out of our comfort zones, be our authentic selves in the community, be that role model, speak up and take our space in society and be counted as a strong lesbian woman!

If your not there yet, I get it. Unfortunately, we all know there is still too much stigma and ignorance in society. I’ve learnt though you can’t change others, but that doesn’t stop you changing your own self and environment. A great way of building your confidence is finding a like-minded support network where you know you will be accepted. I recently joined a fantastic social group ‘Queers outside the City’ organised by The  Rainbow Project and ran by Mardi which meet up once a month for games, pot lucks, quizzes, pool and general giggles. We also meet up on a Saturday once a month for informal coffee and chat. If you’re looking to meet some genuine, like-minded, friendly, supportive people who hold space for you to express yourself as you are, it’s the place to be!

I appreciate you reading to the end, take care and know you are not alone! ????

Shannon 

Hi my name is Shannon, I’m 20 years old and a lesbian! As it was ‘Lesbian Visibility Week’ I got a chance to write about my experience as coming out as lesbian to my family and friends. To me it was extremely scary with me living in a small town that aren’t to open about the LGBTQ+ community but it’s getting there. The very first person I told was my childhood best friend Amy who is also a lesbian, so I knew 100% that she’d still love me as a sister. I do believe it brought our friendship closer, which I didn’t think was possible due how close we already were, in fact her first words to me after was “Told you so”. Thanks… After that the rest of my friends wasn’t as scary as I already knew they accepted Amy. It was more my family I was scared of. Ever since I had come out to my friends, I became distant with my family out of fear that they would stop loving me. I told my sister first. I think it took her a long time to come around to it. Not that she wasn’t okay with it. I believe it’s easier to accept someone who isn’t blood related than it is for someone who is, but I knew she loved me. I told my uncle Gerard and his partner Graeme, who `offered me to stay at their place if everything went wrong. Thankfully that offer didn’t have to be taken.

I was once called a fake lesbian due to the fact that I have never had a girlfriend. Yes, never. We were at a party and there was some argument about lesbians that I don’t remember the details fully. That one line just stung… still does today, I guess. The very next day with my fabulous hangover I decided to get one. This is a lot harder than it sounds for me being it the town I’m in. Let’s just say nothing worked and now I’m the only single person in the friendship group. I do meet girls but like any normal person you get scared and distance yourself from them. But I’m glad to say I’m friends with most of them… which I am now realising is extremely wired. Good one Shannon…

I soon joined an LGBTQ+ Group and have made great friends in. I love each of them dearly. My sister has gone to a few as an Ally and was super open minded and joined in all the jokes. I have met so many Allies and LGBTQ+ people who have taught me a lot. All my friends are teaching me how to not be an idiot around girls. Even with my lack of experience I have also in a way got a lot of it and have had fun doing so.

But that’s my overly told story. The lesson I learned through all this is ‘It isn’t always black and white, there is a community filled with rainbows.’ I hope you enjoyed this roller-coaster of a story and I thank you for reading it.

Rose

Coming out in your late 20s is weird

I was really pissed off last week. I nominated my girlfriend for something on twitter and when they mentioned her they failed to mention that she was nominated by her girlfriend and we sadly realised that they did it on purpose. I was also sad last week when I realised that having kids will be confusing and hard and I was fed up last week when I watched a film that had a random lesbian sex scene for no other reason than to exploit women and attract men. I was then confused when I thought ‘do I have the right to feel this way’ and it made me think about my place within the gay community. Let me try and explain:

There’s something about coming out as gay in your mid 20s that makes you feel unable to relate to the wider community. You begin to feel like and imposter when your comrades tell heart warming coming of age anecdotes where they announced their sexuality at 15 having realised they weren’t watching ‘river-dale’ for the gripping story line. The truth is I was gay at 15 I just wasn’t sexually mature enough to know it and that is a-okay.

The thing is no one would find it odd if I hadn’t had a relationship with a man at aged 15 but when you tell people you are gay I find myself reluctant to tell them I came out at aged 23 through fear that this will be followed by ‘how did you not know?’ Or worse, ‘But you’ve been with men, so you must be bi?’ If i’m honest i’ve asked myself the exact same questions so I am probably more shocked when people say ‘I always thought you were gay’, I find myself internally screaming ‘WELL WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!’

My coming out journey wasn’t easy but it wasn’t teen soap difficult; I would lamely describe it as a whirlwind. I should explain that I first admitted my sexuality when I was 23 and started to think about a girl in my university class more than was usual. But before her I had kissed a few friends, kissed a girl in a club and found myself really curious about confident lesbian women. For a while I thought I only liked androgynous or masculine lesbians but this was during the time I was trying to convince myself that I was bisexual and that sex with men was good. As soon as I slept with a girl for the first time I didn’t go back to men again. I did however convince myself that I was supposed to be in a relationship with this girl and between getting far too drunk and throwing myself at her I realised that the one thing they don’t tell you about coming out at 23 is that you have to go through puberty again.

To cut a long story short after I embarrassed myself on several nights out I then tried my hand at dating women. I started off as needy and keen and then became suave and uninterested. I remember using the phrase ‘if it sounds like a date I don’t want to do it.’ After a while and after one too many long conversations with my best friend I was happy and in true fairy tale style I met the love of my life when I was least expecting it. We’ve been together almost two years and I feel so lucky to be with someone as amazing as her and have the most phenomenal memories in such a short space of time.
However, I still find myself not wanting to admit that I pretty much came out, got a girlfriend and have been happy ever since. It doesn’t seem fair that i’ve had it so ‘easy’ considering everything what people in this community has been through. I also find myself wanting to distance more and more from my past with men as if by doing so it will make me more of a lesbian. To tell you the truth my past with men was pretty messy and it took me a long time to realise I was looking for something in them that they just couldn’t give me; obviously.

The point to this is to address the stigma that surrounds coming out later in life. People say things like ‘but I thought you wanted kids?’ and it can be scary when you realise that life won’t be as straight forward as you once thought. I still feel like I have less of a right to stand alongside the amazing women in the gay community but i’m beginning to realise that gay comes in all shapes and sizes and it doesn’t matter if you were 23, 13 or 32 when you realise you are one of them. I hope by sharing my story that people in my situation can feel more connected and remember that our coming out journey is valid and important to share.

The post Lesbian Visibility Week: Three women, three stories of coming out appeared first on The Rainbow Project.

“Lesbians really do exist!” exclaimed Derry Girls’ Orla McCool against the backdrop of the North of Ireland in the mid-1990s, around the same time I was born. 

Fast forward 20 something years to 2020, which sees the inaugural Lesbian Visibility Week taking place spearheaded by Diva Magazine. The landmark event celebrates the strides that lesbians have made in our own movements and in supporting others in our community, as well as bringing attention to issues that face lesbians and other women who date women in our community today. 2020 also sees Northern Ireland at long last legalising same sex marriage, with a lesbian couple becoming the first to wed in our wee corner of the world. 

Visibility is an important word. It’s not that lesbians have been totally invisible up until now. We exist in every corner of society and come in many different forms; Diva have published an incredible list of 100 Visible Lesbians who have shaped lesbian culture and made an impact on wider society, but there are surely 1,000s more who could be celebrated in their own right. 

I’m 24 years old, and my journey with my identity was markedly of its time. I cut my teeth on Tumblr, coming out to my friends with an episode of Pretty Little Liars muted in the background. While I diligently researched my community from websites like AfterEllen and Autostraddle, I dared not call myself a lesbian because of the heavy baggage attached to the word. For years I was gay, a gay woman even, but never a lesbian. Terminology aside, it still felt isolating to believe I was the only person like me I knew at school, in my GAA team, and in my wider group of friends. I found my people online, and made friends for life through sharing stories of first crushes, Glee characters, and hopes for the future.

Now, a proud lesbian woman firmly stuck between the Millennial and Gen-Z camps, I can speak with some great amount of certainty on just how much differs for young women who are coming to terms with their sexuality today in 2020, but also that in spite of all the change in the world, some things have stayed the same. 

For many young lesbians, it’s not Ellen or K.d Lang who are their cultural points of reference, but women like musician King Princess, YouTubers Rose and Rosie Dix-Spaughton, and actress Kate McKinnon. There’s a lot to be said on the power of positive representation afforded by these entertainers, as well as the continued activism and change brought about by some much less visible figures in our history and in our local communities, but also room to talk about the new communities built around shared interest and experience that safely house so many young lesbian and bisexual women and girls. Mediums like TikTok and Twitter can become makeshift support groups for young people coming to terms with their sexuality and learning about the community they’ll soon be navigating as a young, newly out person. 

Alongside their list of 100 Visible Lesbians, Diva Magazine also published the results of a survey they carried out amongst LGBTQ+ women on topics like being out at work, hate crime, and of course visibility. 

The results showed that so many of us still feel like we have to hide our identity, with only half of respondents saying they’re out to colleagues, and over half of respondents saying they sometimes feel fear using public transport. 44% of people who took the survey also said they wished there were more events and spaces specifically for LGBTQ+ women, and 79% said they felt there was much more visibility for male members of our community in public life.

As young lesbians today, we clearly still face a lot of obstacles in society, but we’re in a better position than the women who paved the way for us throughout the decades leading up to now. We have a responsibility to the next generation to keep pushing for more positive representation, more participation, more inclusivity, and more freedom to be ourselves. I’m acutely aware of how me and my partner being visible can contribute to a society where our relationships are normalised, and how seeing people like them being happy and proud can make a world of difference in someone’s life, just as it did for me when I was a scared, closeted teen. 

In her letter to her 14 Year Old Self, Lyra McKee wrote- “It won’t always be like this, it’s going to get better”. 

Those words have become synonymous with the movement here in Northern Ireland, an encapsulation of the hope of many young gay people that the difficulties and hardships they face are only temporary. There is a big bright world out there, and we all have a place in it.

The post With visibility comes community, empowerment and self-confidence for young lesbians appeared first on The Rainbow Project.

It’s Lesbian Visibility week, and you have just caught me watching one of my favourite TV shows Wynonna Earp. Growing up I sometimes found it difficult to relate to some of the characters within TV and Film which is why in present day, I am happier about the increased inclusion of our own community within media. One of the Wynonna Earps’ storylines are based around the relationship of Nicole Haught and Waverly Earp- how two people can come together and just be. There was no heightened drama around the fact they were a queer couple- they just had to get on with sending demons back to hell. Just a normal day in Purgatory. Kat Barrell who plays Nicole Haught spoke to DIVA magazine and shared how important her character is “Nicole makes queer women feel seen. What more can you ask for? That’s the most beautiful thing a character can do.”

This show highlights the importance of good story lines for female queer characters. At the same time within another show (The 100) a growing contempt was happening. After teasing the audience they finally brought two characters together, Lexa and Clarke. Only to have Lexa killed off in the SAME episode. The idea that queer characters are not sufficient is highlighted within the trope name itself for this “Bury your Gays” and “dead lesbian syndrome”. Due to the fan outcry after Lexa was killed off, it sparked the initiative to showcase the importance of LGBTQ female characters within TV, Film and Gaming. This became Clexacon. A fan convention now held every year which has produced so much creativity within fans, writers and actors. Out of such a demeaning death of a queer character, a new community was born, encouraging the development and appreciation of queer women.

The post Lesbian Visibility Week: Wynonna Earp, Krashlyn and Loving Women appeared first on The Rainbow Project.

Why is visibility important?

Sometimes we need to be able to see something being done to know that it is also possible for ourselves. We all develop our sense of self in connection to the world around us. If the world reflects back to us positive examples of the type of person that we are or want to be, for example in the media, or in jobs we fancy ourselves doing, or in the types of relationships we feel we would like to have, then we can be safe in the knowledge that those things are possible for us too.

However, if what we are getting reflected back at us is not positive, or put limits on us or is even hostile, as has often been the case for trans people, then it can be harder to imagine that things are possible for us, at least not without a fight.

To me, seeing out trans people enjoying their lives, having relationships, working in jobs they enjoy, making art they love is important because it provides a blue print of possibilities that other people can hold themselves up against.

I would like to share just a few of those people who are or were out and visible as trans:

Lou Sullivan is regarded as the first out trans man who was also gay.  Up until the 1980s, when Sullivan began to share his story, the medical and psychiatric community, who were largely involved in health care for trans people,  believed that transgender men and women could only be ‘heterosexual’ (a belief which still persists in some circles). By choosing to come out, to advocate for himself as a gay trans man and to lobby the American Psychiatric Association, Lou helped shaped our understanding that sexuality and gender are two separate things. It also gave others who felt the same way as Lou, a blue print of possibilities

For those trans people who may have aspirations to act or be involved in TV, music or entertainment Mae Martin and Rebecca Root (who are out as non-binary and trans respectively) both have had mainstream TV slots on the BBC. And there is actress Laverne Cox who was the first trans person on the cover of TIME magazine.  For music there is Laura Jane Grace, who, in the only way fitting for a punk icon, came out to millions on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. And there is Sam Smith who recently came out as non-binary.

Being able to imagine having the type of relationship or family you want can also be hugely important for some people. I am thankful to Freddie McConnell who documented his beautiful and emotional journey to becoming a father in the film Seahorse: The Dad Who Gave Birth.

And for those people interested in making change on a governmental level, Danica Roem, is an example of a trans women making headway in the world of American Politics.

I could go on…

All of these examples are of people in the public eye.  But visibility doesn’t need to be about being on TV and being known to the wider world. There are people closer to home, living ‘ordinary’ lives in my community that are just as important as positive role models, if not more so.

Being visible and telling our own stories, such as Freddie did in his documentary, also allows us to control our own narrative. As anyone who reads the tabloid media will know, the journalist and editors putting together these articles do not take care of trans people’s stories or lives. Media articles often focus on the sensational or negative in order to polarise and fuel misinformation and hostility towards the trans community. In telling our own stories, in our own ways, we can take back the power and counteract this harmful media narrative.

The importance of being seen can also be vital to the changing of attitudes and the advancement of rights. It shouldn’t be so, but often the burden of responsibility to educate others outside of the LGBT community on our lives and human rights falls to us as LGBT people. Being visible, and the patience, compassion and thick skin it sometimes takes to deal with what happens as a result of putting yourself out there is testament to the strength and resilience that exists in our community.

The power of possibility lies in the courage of others to forge the way.

I believe the benefit of having positive role models to look on is important no matter if you are a young trans person, or an older trans person, or if you are not out or if you’ve been out for years.

An important caveat to all of this, is that being visible or coming out is always a personal choice. No one should feel like they have to come out or be visible if they do not want to. For some people, their circumstances may mean it is not safe to come out. Or they might just not want to, and living a quiet life is just as radical in my book as any other way of being. And then there are the complex politics of passing, of not having the choice of whether you are visible or not and of issues of harassment and discrimination, which many people face for being trans. And intersecting factors of race, class and disability all of which are part of a larger more nuanced conversation of all the ways it means to be trans.

On the original intent of Transgender Day of Visibility, being transgender can have it’s challenges and be incredibly difficult, but sometimes borne out of that struggle can be creativity, beauty, humour, resilience, determination and an ability to see the world with clarity and these are the voices that we amplify on a day like today.

If you have someone trans in your life, you are very lucky indeed.

The post Celebrating Transgender Day of Visbility appeared first on The Rainbow Project.

But when it comes to financial abuse, though, it’s common for one partner to control all the money (wages, benefits, credit cards, etc.) in an unhealthy and manipulative way. This is known as Financial abuse and it is a form of domestic abuse.

Financial abuse can vary from situation to situation since there isn’t one way to handle money in a relationship. This makes identifying abusive tactics all the more difficult, as abusive partners may argue that “this is just how our relationship works.”

What are the signs of financial abuse?

It can be difficult to recognize the signs of financial abuse, as it could start with innocent-sounding requests for some money, perhaps taking a tenner from your purse/wallet without asking. Or maybe suggesting it might be better if you didn’t work or look after the children while they go out to work.

You might be in a financially abusive relationship if your partner…

• Does your partner require you to account for every penny you spend?
• Do they control how all of the household finances are spent?
• Do they threaten to cut you off financially when you disagree with them on anything?
• Have they ever stolen money from you?
• Have they prevented you from accessing your own or joint account?
• Have they intentionally damaged possessions which then have to be replaced by you?
• Do they insist that your benefits are in their name?
• Have they raised debts in your name? Such as credit cards, payday loans or bank loans? 
• Have they stopped you from taking a job because it didn’t suit them? 
• Have they prevented you from working by hiding your keys, or offering to look after children or pets and then not showing up?
• Have they engaged in other forms of abuse like name-calling or physical abuse when they get angry over your spending habits?

If you said yes to any of these points above, then you may be in a financially abusive situation but help is available!  

If you are worried your partner has taken out debt in your name without telling you?

To monitor it, check your credit report (for free) and look out for applications and unusual products that you didn’t apply for.  If it’s happened, it is fraud and you most likely won’t have to pay it back.

Report it to the PSNI and your bank straight away!!

Make sure to get copies of your financial data like credit cards, benefits, and financial statements. Make copies if it is unsafe to take the originals. This could be useful later in proving who owns what. Keep this documentation in a safe place where the abusive partner can’t access it.

Where to get help?

If you are unsure of your next step, then you can ring the 24-Hour Helpline for Victims of Domestic and Sexual Abuse.

This is a helpline to provide support, advice and signposting service for all women and men who have been affected by domestic or sexual abuse. The 24-Hour helpline is a completely confidential service and will signpost you onto organisations such as The Rainbow Project and CaraFriend Here NI for support. 

Telephone: 0808 802 1414 ( Free from landlines and mobile phones) 

Website: www.dsahelpline.org

Twitter: www.twitter.com/dsahelpline

Facebook: www.facebook.com/dsahelpline

Or if you wish to speak to someone from the LGBT Centre, then you speak to us in complete confidence.  The hours are Monday to Friday, 9am -5pm. We can provide support to report incidents, legal advice and ongoing support.

Aisling Twomey (Pronouns: Her/ She)

LGBT Advocacy Officer – The Rainbow Project

Telephone: 02890 319030

Mobile: 07904864957

Email: advocacy@rainbow-project.org

Amanda McGurk (Pronouns: Her/ She)

LBTI Support Officer – Cara-Friend and HereNI

Telephone:  02890 890202

Mobile: 07849912877

Email: amanda.mcgurk@cara-friend.org.uk

The post Are you experiencing financial abuse? appeared first on The Rainbow Project.

Off the back of our recent sex worker rights awareness training that all of our staff received – we’ve created a handy how-to on supporting someone who is experiencing whorephobia (a term sex workers use to describe the harassment they face for being a sex worker). We can provide confidential and non-judgemental support to sex workers, so please don’t hesitate to contact us by phone (028 90 319 030), e-mail or direct FB message.

How you can support someone experiencing Whorephobia:

• Set aside your beliefs if you do not support sex worker rights. The person is experiencing the impacts of discrimination and deserves to be safe.
• Express your non-judgemental support and care to the person. Remember that they are your friend/partner/family member/colleague/loved one.
• Support the person by challenging whorephobia when you hear/see/witness it. Tolerating or dismissing discrimination fuels validation and agendas of hatred.
• The person experiencing discrimination may not feel safe to attend certain events/pubs/venues. Ask where they feel safe and respect their feelings/concerns.
• Recognise that the story of a sex worker (current of former) is theirs and theirs only to tell. Confidentiality is essential in avoiding further discrimination. ‘Outing’ people without their consent can; place them at risk of discrimination, trigger PTSD, affect relationships, housing and current/future employment.
• Discrimination impacts on mental and physical health, employment, relationships and social connectedness. Check in with the person regularly as the impact can be pervasive in all aspects of their life. Encourage them to access peer support from Sex Work Organisations.
• Share this post. Demonstrate to sex workers that you will not be complicit in discrimination.

Sex workers deserve to be safe.

The post How you can support someone experiencing Whorephobia appeared first on The Rainbow Project.

I have been busy so far this week, speaking at an event hosted by the Police Service of Northern Ireland and Antrim & Newtownabbey Policing and Community Safety Partnership. The event included presentations and pictured below panel discussion from PSNI, The Rainbow Project, Victim Support NI, Leonard Cheshire NI and Migrant Centre NI. 

This event included devised performance by students from Lagan College depicting typical hate crimes and incidents based on meetings that I had with them prior to the event. We are looking forward to working with the students to produce another performance for LGBT Awareness Week 2020. 

What is a Hate Crime? 

There are different types of hate crime recognized in Northern Ireland:

• Racist – you can be a victim of a racist hate crime because of the colour of your skin, but also because of what country you come from or what language you speak
• Homophobic – this means a crime against someone because they are gay, lesbian or bisexual.
• Religious – is attacking someone because of their religion or even for a lack of religious belief.
• Sectarian – is where you can be attacked because of your community background, for example: Catholic or Protestant or because of your political opinions, for example nationalist or loyalist.
• Transgender – is a crime against someone of their perceived gender identity
• Disability – is a crime against someone because of a physical or mental disability they have or appear to have.

The advocacy service has been put in place to support victims who naturally and understandably are fearful of the consequences to themselves and the perpetrators of homophobic or transphobic hate incidents.

In 2018-2019, there have been 289 Homophobic incidents and 40 Transphobic incidents. There has been an increase in both categories but this doesn’t mean there is more crime happening to our community. It shows that more people are confident in reporting it to the PSNI or to a third party such as The Rainbow Project. 

Whilst we want to reduce the incidence of these crimes, it is vital that we close the gap of under-reporting which according to our own research is around 64% of incidents. 

Hate crime is currently under-reported, often because victims feel the incident to be too trivial or believe the police would not take the incident seriously or be unable to tackle it. 

Hate is never too trivial -you will be listened to and believed.  

What is a hate incident? 

A hate incident is defined as any act which or may not be a crime where a person perceives it to be motivated by hostility or prejudice towards an aspect of a person’s identity (sexual orientation or gender identity). For example, you may have had abuse shouted at you on the street because you were holding hands with your partner. 

Hate incidents include:

• Verbal abuse like name-calling and the use of homophobic, biphobic or transphobic language.
• Threats of violence or physical attacks such as hitting, punching or spitting.
• Communication through harassing phone calls, abusive phone or text messages or hate email.
• Abuse on social media, Facebook or Twitter.
• Criminal damage or harm to things such as your home, pet, vehicle. 

How and where to report?

If you feel you have experienced a hate crime or incident, then you can report it. We can only do something if we know about it. If we don’t know, then we can’t prevent things from getting worse. By reporting a crime or an incident you could be protecting someone else from harm. There are a number of ways to report a hate crime or incident:

If you don’t want to speak to the Police, then call me directly at The Rainbow Project. I will talk through your options and support you in reporting to the PSNI or accessing support. 

I urge you to report all incidents directly to the PSNI, so in an emergency call 999 or for non-emergencies then call 101.

Also, you can report all crimes anonymously through

PSNI Website        https://www.psni.police.uk/makeareport/  

True Vision            http://www.report-it.org.uk/home

Crimestoppers       https://crimestoppers-uk.org/ or telephone 0800 555 111

There is no place for hate in Northern Ireland.

We want all victims of hate crime to know that they are not alone and that support is available immediately after an incident or at any stage.

The post Hate Crime Awareness Week 2019 appeared first on The Rainbow Project.